Monthly Archives: April 2020

Building A Great Personality : How-to

Imagine someone passes by and you turn around to catch a glimpse. Imagine someone is speaking at a distant corner and you’re just curious, ( curious but not eavesdropping ). Imagine someone is speaking in a public seminar and you’re wanting to listen to them more and more. All these catch your attention. Ever wondered why? Its their personality. Its neither looks, speech, delivery, nor their perfume. Its the overall persona that a person carries around.

How do you define a personality ?
In my simple way of defining personality : Its just the energy that someone carries around and emits to others. Personality is like a perfume which a person wears and everyone around gets curious about.

So how do you build a great personality ? Anyone can build a good personality with some simple changes in their lifestyle and understanding what it takes to have a great personality.

A few simple tricks to build a great personality :

Attitude – A person of great personality has an attitude which is super positive. Wikipedia says “attitude is a psychological construct, a mental and emotional entity that inheres in, or characterizes a person. They are complex and are an acquired state through experiences.”. A great definition. Attitude is a person’s overall behavior towards himself and others. A person with positive vibes always tends to have a great personality. Some people are born with it, some develop it by careful experiences and observation.

Pleasant / Friendly – If you’re friendly, you’ll have good friends. If you’re cheerful and smiling face, you’ll be pleasant to the other person. Good looks don’t matter, your smile does. Your happiness does.
Tip 1: When your phone rings, smile for a second before rushing to pick up. This smile will be “visible” in your voice and transfer to the caller.

Tip 2: Smile often, smile for no reason, smile because you “choose” to be happy. Smile because there are enough sad things in the world and fight it with a smile. Did you know smile is contagious. Have you ever seen a grumpy man not bursting into a smile in front of a toddler ? I bet you find me a person who would not smile back at a toddler and I’ll edit my blog.

Tip 3: Be friendly not because you need to make friends and feel important or not lonely. Be genuinely friendly and helpful. Some people make friends in a fraction of a second, some take longer, some are just filled with anxiety. Be more friendly in life and you’ll notice that people are noticing you. You’ll be building a friendly personality.

Confidence – Great personalities are highly confident. People look at their role models and think : How do I talk with such confidence? How do I make such bold decision with such confident? I can’t do it.

Wait a sec, PAUSE. Why the negativity ? This is exactly the reason of low confidence. You’re telling yourself that you cannot do it. Just change your way to look at it and play with the words. Lets take a baby step and change turn the words “I can’t do it” to “Can’t I do it?”. That’s it, you’ve made your first bold confident statement. You’re challenging yourself. You’ve started being confident ( 0.0001% at-least ? ). So remember, confidence is just a mind game. Be bold, be extrovert. Be confident.

Lets be honest. Not everyone is confident. But the reason you’re not confident is because something is new or you’ve never tried before. You’re in doubt if you’ll be successful at it or what is everyone going to think about you. NOPE! Burn this thought right now. Confident people don’t think what others will think. Lions don’t care about the opinion of the sheep. If they did, they wouldn’t be lions! If you want to be confident, never ever take a step back just because “What will people around me think or say”. Confident people know the answer. They are one step ahead. They plan their move by Answering the question with possible ways of what people will say or think and they would counter that.

Next time my dear reader, BE BOLD, BE CONFIDENT.
Word of caution : Don’t be over confident ; There is a thin line between being confident and over confident.

Courteous / Respectful – Most people who have great personalities have great respect towards anyone around them. If you’re impolite or you talk in an aggressive or offensive manner, you are not a positive personality. Be courteous from heart. We’re all taught that we must hold the door if someone’s behind you. We’re taught to not burp in public. We’re taught not to gobble food in front of guests. But what most parents miss out is to teach their children how to be respectful/courteous towards people who are less privileged or low in stature than yourself. I remember when Dhirubhai Ambani died, there were 5000 people in front of his old house. Most of them were factory workers. Not because their boss died and it was a duty. But because their boss earned respect by giving respect. If you ever want to see respect, count the number of people who come to a person’s funeral by their will. Of course this is a hypothetical statement, its not at all a measuring tool, It would be a bit too late if you try this on yourself and moreover, you’ll not get the answer ๐Ÿ™‚

Honest / Loyal / Trustworthy – A person with great personality is honest and loyal not to others around, but also to himself. A great personality is one who would boldly admin they are wrong when they are. Trust cannot be purchased, its not for sale. It can only be earned. And its a two way thing. Some people are known to have great personality if they can be trusted or they are loyal. This is a rare thing now a days and next time be that loyal friend, boss, employee, father, mother, sister, brother or anyone whom people can trust – You’ll find a different pleasure altogether.

ya ya, I know its so hard to trust people in this world, but you have to try.

My personal experience has been bad when I trust people. It doesn’t turn out the way.
For example, As a employer, I did trust many employees of mine, but they didn’t trust me back. At one point, I was on the verge of giving up hope on general employee behaviors, I said to myself, what’s the point in entrusting people when they are never your own, but immediately I thought again and said, Why do I change my nature and personality for someone who doesn’t reciprocate. I remembered the famous couplet of Raheem in Hindi which goes like :

“Jo raheem uttam prakruti, ka kari sakat kusang
chandan vish vyapat nahi, lapte rahat bhujang”

Meaning : Rahim says bad company can not spoil someone with excellent character. As, snakes are always there on sandalwood tree, but the sandalwood never gets poisonous nor angry.

So be like that sandalwood’s personality ๐Ÿ™‚

Helpful / Cooperative – Plain and simple. “Only good looks and unmindful chatter makes jack a non helpful person”. People with great personalities are always helpful.They help selflessly.

Do write in comments how you’d behave to the following scenarios:

Scenario 1 : Lets say you’re young, do you give your seat to a lady in a bus if the journey? Obviously yes! But what if its a 4 hour journey ? ( Time tests you here )

Scenario 2 : You’re on your first job interview. You see a dog bad hit by a car in front of you. Would you help the dog or just pass by?
Now replace the dog with your own pet. Wow, difficult, ain’t it ?
Now replace the pet with your friend.
Wow, people do have priorities when it comes to being helpful.

Scenario 3: You find $1 on the road. You give it to the needy or next homeless guy you see.
Now replace the $1 with $100. You’d still give it away.
Now replace the $100 with a gold coin. I got you thinking now!

Well, I’m not to judge and I’m not saying that there is only one correct answer to above.
What I’m trying to say is how helpful/friendly are you in “general” terms. If you’re generally helpful, people will surely notice and reciprocate when you need help. You never know when you’re going to need help, It could be in the next hour or next minute or next decade. ( That’s why in politics, no one is a friend or enemy for lifetime ๐Ÿ™‚ )

Non Judgemental / Understanding / Tolerant

If you’re judging someone, you have a cheap mentality. Plain and simple. And most people judge others without even knowing the facts or scenario behind it. People assume and have prejudice about something or the other. A person with great personality is non judgemental. They are neutral no matter what. They don’t take sides and jump to conclusions. If fact they are least interested in being a judge.
I fail to understand that how 99.99 of humans are judgemental. Perhaps its in our nature to constantly keep judging everything around us. We judge the colour of people’s skin. We judge their weight, we judge their caste, creed and the most important, people judge based on gender! ( Mankind’s oldest judge-mentality ). In fact, mankind has come so far, that every person is judging themselves.

For a silly example, my wife keeps asking me if a dress is good for the occasion or not and before I can reply, she makes a judgement that it would not be a good fit. Its like asking and replying at the same time “How are you? Fine!”

Being non judgemental is a rare feat. If you come across this type of person, they are rare to find. This quality is so rare that you’d see or come across such people may be just once or twice a year. And if you do have someone in your relatives a person with this quality. They should be your role model. Learn from them and respect them.

Similarly, a person with great understanding and tolerance will always shine among the crowd. Don’t we have that one friend who is always non judgemental no matter how many silly things you do ?

Character – Building a great personality is all about your character. For example: Recently many people whom we thought have a great personality end up in #MeToo controversy. A person with great character always maintains a line which is never to be crossed. Their minds are stable and thoughts are clear and pure.
So how can you build a good character? Simple, don’t cross the lines of awkwardness for the person around you. It could be your friend, father, mother. Be humble( Next point ) and build a rapport ( character ).

Compassion / Humble / Kind – A kind person always feels the way others feel. A humble person is down to earth and modest. A compassionate one takes action to make the wrong right. Can you find examples out of your life where you’ve been Kind, Humble and Compassionate towards “everyone” around you. Haha, caught you with “everyone” keyword. You may be kind/humble/compassionate with your friends, family, relatives, colleagues. But what about people or things you don’t know? For example, are you compassionate towards your country and land or street dogs or birds in summer ? I leave it up to you to reflect upon it.

Some people are BORN with compassion and some people adapt to have it. A kind and humble person is always welcomed in the society as a champion. People look up to them.

A kind person is kind not because they want attention or they want to build a great personality. They are kind because they know what it feels like to be unkind. SO if you really want to build this quality in yourself, you need to change yourself. You cannot learn this unless you practice it by your heart and soul. You need to become a different person altogether.

Grateful – Most people are suffering from anxiety or depression or stress or any kind mental challenge boils down to one reason. They don’t think enough.

People ask me whom should we thank, God? I say yes, if you are a believer. And if you’re not, then Thank the nature. Thank the surroundings. Appreciate the things around you. I’m assuming that most people reading my blog are the privileged ones. They have food in their fridge and ceiling over their head. Be thankful to whomsoever or whatsoever circumstances that let you into this situation.

There was a sage who said I always thank God for whatever it comes. Once I was sick and in a lot of pain and I thank God for the sickness. I asked how come? He said, because I was sick, I remembered God more often, so may be that was God’s way of making me closer to him. I was surprised, not really about his deep connection with God, but at the way he was grateful to any situation that came upon him. He left an impact on me which I’ll never forget. Be thankful to everything that comes. I remember a saying “Any difficulty that does not kill you, makes you stronger”.

Happiness is like a dream, Sadness is like a bubble. Always be thankful that both never last forever. Life is like a pendulum, one side is happiness, and the other side is sadness. Be thankful that its how it is. At the peak of happiness, it goes towards sadness and at the peak of sadness, its surely going to take you towards happiness.

The only constant here is how you treat what comes. With gratitude.

Conclusion

Great personality is soothing to the eye. Contagious to some extent ! People thrive to be like whom they see or admire, but give up the thought very soon. ( Perhaps its the laziness or it could be underestimating yourself).

Everyone can world to build a great personality. People with good personality are genuinely liked by the masses and they carry a “perfume ( read energy or persona )” only to inspire others. Hey – After reading all this, have I inspired you a bit ?

My sincerest advice: Take the light from that “personality candle” and shine well; Oh shine so bright you must, that fill them with glittery eyes, so that one day, you can yourself be that “personality candle” who lights another and let this tradition continue through the generations to comes, Lets together take pride in building a better race.